The best gift for someone having a hard year acknowledges the year instead of trying to fix it. My top pick is the Memorial Heart Urn Necklace ($45): it holds a small amount of ashes, fur or earth, for a person or a pet. If she needs to talk about it rather than hold it, give the genuine Lapis Lazuli Teardrop Necklace ($39).
Memorial Heart Urn Necklace$45
Lapis Lazuli Teardrop Necklace$39
Raw Black Tourmaline Studs$78
Still Gold Owl Studs$26
Shopping for Christmas? Everything here ships gift-ready, and holiday shipping details are on the gift guide.
Somebody messages me every December with a version of the same problem, and it is never the one she thinks it is.
She has a person in mind. Her sister, her best friend, her mother, the woman at work who has quietly held everything together since March. And she has a year in mind — a specific, heavy, unspoken year. Then she opens a shop, and the first thing every shop asks her to do is sort by price.
So she picks a number, and the number has nothing to do with any of it.
I'm Andrea. I've been matching jewellery to people across a market table in Calgary since 2008, and this guide is sorted the way I'd sort it if you were standing in front of me: by what the year did to her. (If you'd rather browse by occasion or price, the gift guide has every route in one place.)
How to choose a gift for someone having a hard year: four tips
- Finish this sentence about her: "This year you ______." This year you left. This year you buried your mother. This year you went back to school at fifty-eight and told almost no one. Whatever comes out is your brief, and it's more specific than any category page.
- Acknowledge, don't fix. She doesn't need a piece that tells her it gets better. She needs one that says the year happened and you noticed.
- Choose something she can touch. A stone she can put her hand on, rings that spin under her thumb. On the hard days, the piece that gets worn is the one she can reach for.
- Write one line on the card. Not a paragraph, and nothing that asks her to be okay. If someone died, write their name. That's the gift.
My top pick, and why it makes me cry at markets
In person, I watch animal lovers light up when they find the Crystals & Paws collection, because they love to give back. Then they notice the vial, and their eyes fill. It's part of their journey. Sometimes we all end up in tears, because they are fellow souls, and this piece is for that journey.
My top pick
Memorial Heart Urn Necklace — $45
A hidden heart-shaped chamber that holds a small amount of ashes, a lock of hair or fur, or a pinch of earth from somewhere that mattered. For a person or a pet. Two rings spin around it, engraved Forever in my heart and Forever by my side, so it doubles as a worry stone for her thumb in a meeting or a parking lot. Waterproof stainless steel, with a screw-top closure and a funnel to fill it.
25% of the sale price of every Crystals & Paws piece goes to animal rescue. That collection only, and every piece in it is marked.
For: the woman who wants them physically close.
Not for: someone who isn't ready. Give it only if you're fairly sure she wants it; if you're guessing, give the lapis below.
"I've been purchasing fantastic earrings from Andrea for over 20 years! She also custom made several bracelets for me that turned out to be amazing. She never disappoints!" — Kate, verified shop review
Losing a pet specifically? I wrote a guide to pet memorial jewellery that walks through filling an urn piece, gently.
Still not sure? Email me about her at andrea@mysticsouljewelry.com. Tell me about the year she's had and I'll tell you what I'd send. It's me answering, not a chatbot. Or join The Circle for 15% off your first order (good 7 days) + the Birthday Club.
Gifts for someone grieving: if she needs to talk about it
Lapis lazuli has been used in mourning and burial ornament since ancient Egypt, and it's a throat chakra stone, the one tied to saying the unsayable. Grief and a closed throat travel together. A piece that names that is more useful than one that tries to lift the mood.
Lapis Lazuli Teardrop Necklace — $39
Genuine lapis, a teardrop that sits near her heart, so she can put her hand on the stone without anyone noticing. I add every bail myself. I treat navy as a neutral: it goes with anything and gives a grounding touch to any outfit, which matters when she's getting dressed on autopilot. Gold- or silver-plated chain.
For: the woman who wants to be able to say his name out loud again.
Prefer earrings? The lapis drop earrings ($28) are the same genuine stone in a small faceted drop, and the lapis studs ($35) keep it right at her ear.
It's a reminder, not a fix: worn as an intention for finding the words, not as a way around the loss.
Gifts for finding her voice: this year you stopped being the reasonable one
Same stone, completely different job. She's spent thirty years being the calm voice in the room, and something in her has recently decided she's finished with that. Lapis has been the truth-teller's stone for about six thousand years, ground into pigment for the robes of people whose word was supposed to count. This time it's for the sentence she's been rehearsing in the car.
Give her lapis she can see: a necklace she can touch or a bracelet in her eyeline, for one second of nerve mid-conversation. She's still the one who has to say the thing.
Gifts for someone carrying a lot: this year you carried something you didn't mention
You know the one. She answers "fine, busy" and changes the subject, and you've known her long enough to hear the gap.
I first found black tourmaline selling jewellery at hospitals. Nurses and health care staff kept asking for it: the people who carry everyone else all day. I keep bits of it in all four corners of my house, and on jewellery days I reach for these studs. Not here, not with me, not today.
Raw Black Tourmaline Studs — $78
Genuine raw black tourmaline on 14K gold-filled posts. Handmade in Calgary by me: I set every stone on its post by hand at my bench. Small enough for a hospital shift or a boardroom, grounding enough to matter.
The discreet option: Still Gold Owl Studs ($26). The owl is the watcher who stays awake for the hours nobody else is awake for. Given as a gift, she says I know you're the one holding it, and I see you. Small enough that nobody at work asks about them.
Gifts for a fresh start: this year you rebuilt from the studs
New city. Her own name back. A new apartment where nothing matches and she doesn't care.
The owl belongs here too, because starting over mostly happens at night: three in the morning, doing sums, deciding whether the decision was right. If she's a pendant woman, an owl pendant sits right where she'll feel it. If she'd rather have something with weight to hold, the owl amulet pendant is the one she can find through a sweater.
Gifts for a big life change: this year you changed and pretended you hadn't
Retirement she didn't choose. The last child gone. A marriage ending politely. A body that has changed the rules without consulting her.
The hummingbird is what I reach for here, because of what she's for rather than what she looks like. A hummingbird can hover, reverse, and hold still in mid-air at a speed nothing else manages. That's a fair description of a woman in her fifties reorganising her entire life while still showing up to everything. Not a symbol about being delicate: a symbol about stamina that looks effortless from outside.
The hummingbird pieces come in gold and in silver, so you can match what she already wears. The note with them writes itself: I know what this year has been.
Matching gifts to share: this year you went through it together
One symbol, two pieces, two people going through something together or apart. A grandmother and a fifteen-year-old granddaughter. Two sisters in two provinces. You and the friend who got you through the divorce. You aren't matching outfits: you're agreeing on a shorthand, and every time either of you puts it on, the other one is in the room.
Pair the hummingbird studs ($22) with a hummingbird necklace ($35). The studs are waterproof stainless steel, which matters more than it sounds: a teenager won't take them out for the pool, the shower or the lake, so they stay on and become hers.
If the two of you got through it with a dog between you, the matching owner-and-pet sets are in Crystals & Paws.
How the gift arrives
This matters more than usual when the gift is a heavy one. You don't want her opening a padded envelope with a bare pendant in it.
Every piece ships in a satin pouch, no extra charge. Want the full unwrap moment? Add a celestial gift box for each gift. Want a note? Leave your message in the order notes and I'll handwrite it on the back of a decorated art card. You bring the words, I bring the penmanship.
Holiday returns: gifts ordered from October 7 can be returned until January 14. Final sale items are excluded.
Then say what you meant
A gift chosen this way only works if she knows why you chose it. Otherwise it's a nice necklace, which is a much smaller gift. One line does it. This one's lapis. It's for when you're ready to talk about him. Write it before you wrap it, while you still remember.
Giving lapis or tourmaline? Tuck the crystal care guide in with it. A woman who knows how to look after her stone wears it more often.
I'm a real person
Still not sure? Send me an email, a text or a message and I'm happy to help. Tell me about her and the year she's had, and I'll tell you what I'd send. There's no algorithm on the other end of that. It's me, in Calgary, and I've been doing this since 2008.
Email andrea@mysticsouljewelry.com or get in touch here.
The Gift Guide Series
- The gift guide — every route in one place
- Meaningful gifts under $100
- Gifts by symbol, not by price
- Meaningful gifts under $75
- Gifts for animal lovers
- Meaningful gifts under $50
- Gifts for someone who doesn't want anything
- Gifts for someone who loves crystals
More reading: what it means when the owl finds you · what it means when the hummingbird shows up · spirit animal meanings
Questions I get asked
What do you give someone who has had a really hard year?
Something that acknowledges the year rather than trying to brighten it. Choose by what happened to her (grief, starting over, carrying everyone) and let the piece say the thing you can't fit on a card. Then write one specific line about why you chose it.
What is a good sympathy gift for someone grieving?
Two options work. A memorial urn necklace if she wants the person or pet physically close: it holds a small amount of ashes, hair or earth from a place that mattered. Or a genuine lapis lazuli necklace if what she needs is to be able to talk about it. If you're not sure she wants a keepsake, give the stone.
Can a memorial urn necklace hold human ashes, or only a pet's?
Both. The Memorial Heart Urn Necklace is made for people and pets. It lives in Crystals & Paws because that's where my memorial pieces started, and 25% of the sale price of every Crystals & Paws piece goes to animal rescue.
How much does an urn necklace hold, and how do you fill it?
A small amount: a pinch of ashes, a lock of hair or fur, a tiny note, or some sand or dried flowers. Unscrew the heart, use the included funnel to add it slowly, then tighten the closure firmly and check the seal before wearing.
Can she shower in a memorial necklace?
Yes. It's waterproof stainless steel. It's also a locket, so keep the heart screwed tight to keep what's inside dry, and take it off for swimming or a long soak to protect the seal.
Is a memorial necklace an appropriate gift?
It is when you know her well and know she wants to keep something close. It's not a gift to give tentatively or as a surprise from a distant relationship. For a pet loss it's often the easier place to start.
Is lapis lazuli a good gift for grief?
It has been used in mourning ornament since ancient Egypt, and it's a throat chakra stone, associated with saying what's hard to say. Worn as an intention for finding the words, not as a way around the loss. Navy also goes with everything, so it gets worn.
What does owl jewellery mean?
The owl is the long-standing symbol of watchfulness and night vision: the woman who sees what others miss and stays awake for it. It's the piece for someone carrying something she hasn't told you about, or rebuilding at three in the morning.
What does hummingbird jewellery mean?
Stamina disguised as lightness. A hummingbird hovers, reverses and holds steady mid-air, which is what a woman in the middle of a big change looks like from the outside.
Is it strange to give spiritual jewellery to someone who isn't into crystals?
Not if you give the meaning rather than the metaphysics. An owl for the woman holding everything together reads as recognition to anyone, whatever she believes.
What if I don't know her jewellery style?
Go small. Studs and short pendants sit inside almost every wardrobe, and navy, gold and silver go with nearly everything. Save statement pieces for someone whose style you already know cold.
Does it arrive ready to give?
Yes. Every piece ships in a satin pouch at no extra charge. The celestial gift box is an add-on, priced per box, so add one for every gift you're sending. A handwritten note on a decorated art card is free; leave your message in the order notes.
What if she doesn't like it?
She sends it back. 45-Day Happiness Guarantee: 45 days from delivery, unworn, with its packaging, and holiday gifts ordered from October 7 can be returned until January 14. Sale items and custom or made-to-order pieces are final sale. Full terms in shipping & returns.
Join The Circle — 15% off your first order (good 7 days) + the Birthday Club.
If you still don't know
Let her tell you sideways. The Spirit Animal Quiz takes about a minute: answer it as her, thinking about the year she's had, and it hands you an animal to shop from instead of a number to guess at. Or go straight to the pieces made for loss and for giving back.
Mystic Soul Jewelry — Canadian small business, Calgary, Alberta, since 2008. Every order packed by a human who read your note.
— Andrea 🌙
