The 4:44 Series · A Guest Post by Shannon Yerza
I didn't expect to be "finding myself" in my 40s.
I really thought I'd feel more… settled by now. Like the big questions would be behind me.
But lately, I've been feeling this quiet shift.
The other day I was journaling about women, friendship, getting older — all of it — and I happened to look at the time.
4:44.
It didn't feel loud or dramatic. Just gentle. Like a small nudge to pay attention.
Curious what 444 actually means? Andrea wrote about it here.
Because this phase of life doesn't feel chaotic. It feels like I'm slowly, intentionally building something more honest.
The Friends Who Hold Your History
I moved to Calgary years ago — a whole other person-ago — away from the girls who knew me in my late teens and early 20s. The kind of friendships where people hold your history without you having to explain it.
The original trio who knew me in my late teens is still a trio. We have that three-person chat with a name that makes no sense. Sometimes it's quiet for days, and other times it's non-stop. I love these women, and the fact that time and distance didn't take that away showed me something important:
Not everyone is meant to come with you.
And that's not a failure. It's just life moving forward.
The Chapter Nobody Fully Prepares You For
Then came a completely different chapter.
Kids. Three of them.
Three kids later, I entered a world of school runs and activities, surrounded by parents I didn't choose and the inevitable "MOM Cliques."
For a while, I felt pressured to force these proximity-based acquaintances into real friendships, expecting connection to follow naturally.
But it doesn't always work like that.
Not everyone is meant to be your friend. Some people are kind. Some are familiar. Some are just part of your day-to-day life.
And learning to be okay with that… felt softer than forcing something that wasn't there.
That being said, something really beautiful did come out of those years: I met two close friends through my kids' school. The kind of easy, real connection that just fits. They love me and love my kids, and building that friendship while helping our kids grow feels like a gift.
More recently, I've found people through the things I actually choose to do now — hobbies (it still feels funny to say that out loud) — and there's something about meeting people in spaces where you're already being yourself that feels more natural and aligned.
What 40s Friendship Actually Looks Like
Now I'm in my 40s, with teenage and young adult kids, and life has opened up again in a new way.
There's more space.
And in that space, there's clarity.
Friendship looks different now. Softer, but stronger. I don't feel the need to have a big circle. I don't feel pulled to be everywhere or included in everything.
What I want is depth. Women who feel grounded. Who are honest. Who are growing, even if it's messy sometimes. The kind of friendships where you can just be — no performing, no pressure.
And somewhere in all of this, I've realized:
This isn't about finding myself. It's about coming back to myself.
Letting go of the versions of me that were shaped by expectations, or survival, or trying to keep everything together for everyone else…
And gently returning to who I am now. Not who I was. Not who I thought I should be. But who I've become through living.
Where This Series Begins
So this is where this series begins.
I'm calling it The 4:44 Series — not because I think everything has a hidden meaning, but because that moment felt like a pause. A soft marker. A reminder to notice what's real.
Over the next few posts, I want to talk about:
- Outgrowing versions of yourself, without guilt
- Friendship in your 40s — the real kind
- Learning to be alone without it feeling heavy
- Boundaries, confidence, and choosing peace
- And what actually matters now
Nothing polished. Nothing forced. Just honest reflections on what it looks like to grow into yourself — again.
This series is also part of something we're building together — a space for women to feel safer online. If that resonates, you can learn more about Run It By a Friend First here.
If you're in this space too, you might recognize the feeling. That quiet shift. That soft pull inward.
You're not behind. You're just building something different now.
And maybe… something that finally feels like you.
If you're wondering which stone fits the chapter you're in right now — the Gemstone Quiz takes 60 seconds. Some chapters ask for moonstone. Some ask for carnelian. Turns out the stones know.
